I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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