Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
