When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We're too hungover to prance.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
