My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
