Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
