I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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