dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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