this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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