Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
