You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
