I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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