If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
