like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
