I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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