Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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