do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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