never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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