its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
