from now on my penis is your penis
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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