Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
