Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
