I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
