in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
