Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
