you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
