It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
