I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
