My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
