I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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