You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
