It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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