My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
