Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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