I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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