do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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