This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
