cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
