He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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