Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
