Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need a beard to bite.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
