You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
