Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you inspire me to be a worse person
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
