Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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