yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
