I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
