dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Damn victory sex feels great
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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