If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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