i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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