genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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