We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
